Jade Emmanuel Rhiannon Davies

Love you x

Love and Miss you so much Gorg x x x

Hope you're ok x x

Love you Millions x x

*x* Mammy *x*

Lisa Emanuel (Mam) Tuesday morning

Hello Gorg x x

Hello Gorg x x

Haven't written on here for a while, but you know you are always in my thoughts and in my heart!

Had been coping day by day a little better of late, but this weekend I don't know what's wrong, well I do know what's wrong, but it's when it comes over you and you got no control over it. I keep telling myself that you're ok, you and Rhi are both safe and just around the next corner, most prob having a whale of a time :) Got to try and think like that Gorg... to get thro these days!

Haven't been sleeping too good these past couple of nights, I'm ok when I'm sleeping, bit restless, but the worst part is getting to sleep. Was lying there last night and all I wanted was to be with you, more than anything! God I wish it was that easy, I'm living a life sentence without you, but got to be here for Leoni and Jez. I've really been on edge these past couple of days, really edgy and nervy... the thought of going to bed now and just lying there thinking of you and waiting to go to sleep....

Christmas around the corner, it was one of your most favourite times of year, loved all the fuss, buying pressies, all excited winding Leoni and Jez up counting down. I'm trying Gorg, I'm doing my best, you know it will never be the same, like everthing... think the lack of money is getting me down a bit, I think it's only money and it doesn't mean anything to me, but like to spoil everyone just like you, if I got it then they can have it, after all it's no good to me, money can't bring you back or change this.... just wish I could spoil Leoni, Jez and Daddy a little more, not have to say: 'no, we haven't got any money.' Just let them have a treat once in a while, let Daddy be able to go for a couple of pints with the boys, once in a while. I'm not bothered about me, I'm happy to stay here tucked away for the rest of my life, but just want them to be happy. My day will come, when I see your smiling face again!!

It was Vicky's b'day last Tuesday, went down with Jez and Leoni met us there, dropped a card and pressie off, had some lovely choc b'day cake with them. Georgia had been for her haircut, looked so grown up. Vicky had a party last night, you know me... I didn't go, just kept thinking how you'd be getting ready to go.

Just don't know what to get you for Christmas Gorg, obviously you'll have flowers, not a day gone by that your garden hasn't got flowers... just wish there was something special to give you... to see your tears of joy and hear you say 'Thankyou... you did it again... you've made me cry'

You are an amazing daughter with a heart of gold, always so thoughtful and caring, I love you x x x

What you think of Lola? I got outvoted and I'm too soft... Hannah said if Jade was here she'd say yes... so I'm now a foster mother to Lola, as well as an adopted mother to Hannah and the proudest Mother on Earth to three wonderful children... Precious x Princess x Prince x We've named Hannah Peach... to go with my 3 P's! I told Rhian we will foster her until hopefully they get their back sorted and they can have her back. She's a bit scatty, but she's only a pup, still only 9 months old... but I'm sure she'll calm down.

I miss you so much Gorg... just wish we could have a girly chat and a cwtch x

Love you all my heart x body x soul x

Hope you're looking after Kyle too x Good night x God Bless x

Sweet Dreams Precious x

*x* Mammy *x*

Lisa Emanuel (Mam) 5 days ago

Love you Gorg x

Love you Gorg x

Lisa Emanuel (Mam) 2 weeks ago

girls

happy bonfire night girls an guys hope your all having loads fun ''stay close to each other'' sending loads love to you all and your familys.x.x.x

Wendy 3 weeks ago

Jade x

Love and Miss you so much Gorg...

This still doesn't feel real!!

I know you just can't be gone, that you are safe and waiting for me x

Hope you're looking after Kyle, another young life, taken way too soon!

Just don't understand things anymore, maybe one day it will all make sense, but living without you here is so hard.

Could swear you're due home any minute and you'll walk thro' the door, but that's just my wishes now...

Love you Millions x x

Always and Forever x x

*x* Mammy *x*

Lisa Emanuel (Mam) 3 weeks ago

~~~jade &rhi~~~

hi girls hope your all sorted for the haloween weekend have loads fun girls sending loads luv to you and all your family.x.x.x

Wendy 4 weeks ago

Hi Precious x

Hi Gorg x

How you and Rhi doing?

Well I haven't been on here tidy for the past couple of weeks and everything's changed!

Just been to drop Hannah off, she still calls every week, it's so nice she's kept in contact, she's like one of the family, but there she was your family.

Most prob so much I should be telling you, but I guess you know it all already?

Been feeling really different this past two to three weeks Gorg, feel like I've turned a bit of a corner, but I haven't, if you understand what I mean? Been trying to keep more positive about things, life's so hard without you and many many times I've wanted to give it all up just to be with you, the reality of it is, I can't... wish so much that I could, but I can't.... you'd never forgive me for one, and I can't desert Leoni and Jez or Daddy x

So been trying to think to myself, if I've got to get thro' this, if I've got to live the rest of my life until it's time to be re-united with you, then I've got to try a little harder, just as you want, otherwise I'm going to end up going crazy!!! It's so strange, don't know how to explain or if this makes sense, cos it confuses me too.... got to stop waiting for the bad bad days to come, even tho' I know they will, got to learn to live with each day as I awake, cos I never know what each day will bring.

You are in my thoughts every single day, miss you with each passing day.... somedays it feels like, right to move on: have I got to convince myself right Jade's gone, that's done, got to try and move on, try and push these thoughts and feelings all away ( which I add is impossible)... other days I feel that, right Lis, you know she's safe, she's somewhere and she's safe, she's ok and you will see her again one day, ( which although seems a lifetime away time will pass so quick) others... I feel as if I'm trying to go along with life, just as if you're out and you could be home any time ( even tho' I know you can't) then other days... I'm just so scared that I can't remember your voice, or your laugh, cos I haven't heard it for so long, that I'm losing you (even tho' I already have)

See I told you it's confusing... sometimes I feel I'm just going to hit reality so hard, that I'll break and never get back up again!!

What I do know more than anything is, that I wish you could come home and all this would go away... life just wasn't meant to be this way !!

I think I'm coping, when deep down I'm a broken mother, who'll never ever be the same without her Precious girl x

(Sorry I haven't written for so long, sorry I haven't told you all that's been going on, but I guess you already know and it's immaterial anyway)

I Love you Heart, Body and Soul x x I'm so proud to be your Mother and to be able to call you my Daughter x x

Good Night x x God Bless x x

Love you Millions x x

*x* Mammy *x*

Lisa Emanuel (Mam) 4 weeks ago

Love you angels x

Love you angels x

Speak soon x

Lots of Love x

Mammy x

Lisa Emanuel (Mam) October 24, 2009

Hi gorgeous girls x

Hi Girls x

Well it's Friday night, wonder what you're up to? Me and Jez were talking about you earlier and I said I wonder what you're doing... getting ready for the weekend... but Jez wreckons you're trimming up ready for Halloween cos it's got lots of orange in it! Told him I don't think so cos it's a bit early yet.

Auntie Sha, Chris, Sammy, Laura, Gill and friends have gone to Butlins to celebrate Auntie Sha's B'day, I know if you were here you'd defo be with them, so I expect you'll be popping in on them sometime this weekend.

The house is quiet, still miss you being here, getting ready to go out or down Gar's... guess I will the rest of my life eh Gorg?

Jez is better but still not 100 percent, we went up your garden earlier, he wanted to go up for five... make sure it's beautiful as always... just like you :)

Leoni's gone down Treorchy with the girls, growing up so fast, dread the day when she's nearly 18 and going out in cars with her friends.

I'm still having a few of my better days Gorg, trying to keep focussed and positive, telling myself this is what you want... trouble is knowing that dreaded mist can come at any time... so trying to push myself a little more, cos I now know life will never ever be the same, no one can make it ok now, so I got to do my best for you, Leoni, Jez and Daddy. Some days I feel so guilty cos the way I am, it's not fair on them, it's no life for them. I don't care about myself, my life's ended in a way, cos even tho' I'm living I'm living for them, cos just can't wait to see you again... but can't leave them either x

Someone's taken one of your spots from your garden, last time I was so angry, but now I'm just numb to it all, just think sad bas****s. As long as no one can hurt you! It's something they've got to live with!

I'm signing off now Gorg, going to pop and see Jan, I guess you know she's not very well at the mo, so if you can send some healing her way... that would be good.

Hope you and Rhi x Have a fab weekend!!

Always remember how much Mammy loves and misses you x

I know how blessed I am to have you as a daughter and I know how much we love each other x

Night x

Love you Millions x

*x* Mammy *x*

Lisa Emanuel (Mam) October 16, 2009

Morning angels x

Morning girls x

Love and Miss you so much!!!!!

Autumn is well and truly here, at least the weather's fine at the mo, little cold but fine. Only thing Christmas is getting closer, our second without you, it's crazy!

Hope you're both doing ok? Jez is not well today, got a temperature, just hope his chest don't go bad, so please keep an eye on him.

Hopefully go up your gardens later, see how Jez is. I tidied them all up last week and washed your stones down, but could do with some fresh flowers.

Love you Millions x

All the love in the world x

Speak soon x

Love x

*x* Mammy *x*

(ps. Hope you're proud of me... I actually rang work this week, taken me over 18 months but a step forward, just got to get the strength to go in there now, I know you'll be willing me on... x)

Lisa Emanuel (Mam) October 15, 2009